Jay's Adventures... Well, not really 'Adventures'

Jay's Adventures Now on Windows Live Spaces

2009-07-23T16:01:00.001-04:00

Well, there's a part of me that hates to say goodbye to Blogspot, but I've realized I can offer more on Windows Live Spaces. Click the above post title to be redirected to my new blogsite and have easier access to my photo albums and personal info. The new address is http://jaysquasi-adventures.spaces.live.com if you'd prefer to copy and paste the URL into your web browser.

God Bless,
~J

The Proof is in the Pudding

2009-04-15T16:26:00.001-04:00

Today's scripture can be found here.

Another teaching homily for today, again, something we can say not to those who aren't here, but to those who won't come.

Those of us who are believers in Christ today don't really get to see Christ with our own eyes, but we do get to see his power working in Christian life—our life as a community and as individuals. I once read a book of Russian theology, and the author used this analogy. If we think of a soap bubble, of all its iridescent colors, its perfectly round shape, etc., we realize that the bubble's existence is proof that there is air inside. We can't see the air, but without it, we would have nothing but a puddle of soap. This is what the presence and the power of God is like in our lives.

You see, we're supposed to be like the man Peter and John heal in the account from Acts. People should be able to look at us over time and ask, "What happened? How did they get like that? Why did they get like that?" In my case, for example, ten years from now, people should be able to look at me and see a good, generous priest and ask, "What happened?! He used to be such a tightwad!" Now, it does sometimes happen that we get to see miraculous physical healings, but what people should be able to see is the spiritual healing we receive. Over time, people should be able to see us becoming more and more like Christ: more loving, more forgiving, more generous, and so forth.

But as in today's gospel, the most astonishing realizations of God's power happen when we gather together as a community of disciples, break open the Word, and share his body. This is why we gather at the altar for the Eucharist. Just think about all the wonderful things that happen around the altar. These things are what we need to point out to those who would debunk what happens at the altar.

Christ is Risen! Indeed He is Risen!

Hope: Laying it on the Line

2009-04-14T11:13:00.001-04:00

Last Wednesday's reading can be found here.

Matthew gives a vision of Jesus, I think, as someone who frequently lays things right on the line and forces people to make a choice. This gospel passage really lays it on the line today; it reminds me of one of the old Looney Tunes cartoons where the villain sharpens an ax and then plucks a hair from his head and splits it on the sharpened edge.

Avery Cardinal Dulles wrote an article entitled "The Population of Hell" in part based on this saying of Jesus about Judas that it would have been better for him to have never been born. He uses it to say that maybe we can, in fact, say that there are some people in hell. Otherwise, how could what Jesus says possibly be true? This is truly a harrowing thought.

There is a flip-side to this frightening notion, though. What we see here is Jesus continuing to choose Judas even though he knows that Judas will betray him. Right to the very end, Jesus doesn't give up on Judas. This is a source of great hope for us. In Jesus Christ, we have a master and teacher who chooses such disciples as Judas and Peter. We have a master and teacher who is always making a choice on our behalf no matter what. There is no way we can fall so far that we get beyond his reach, there is nowhere we can fall that we can't be caught… so long as we let ourselves be caught.

Glory to Jesus Christ! Glory Forever!

Lend a Glimpse of Christ

2009-04-11T16:56:00.001-04:00

Last Wednesday's readings can be found here.

There is a story about one of Mother Theresa's sisters questioning the amount of prayer she had prescribed for the order. It goes something like this: "Mother," she said, "I can already see Christ in the people we serve. I wish I had more time to do more for them." "My daughter," answered Mother Theresa "our prayer is not for us to see Christ in our people, but so that they might recognize Christ in us."

In this gospel, the central problem is a failure on the part of the people to truly recognize Christ for who he really was. Yes, they see him. Yes, they think they know him. But they do not recognize him as the Son of the Father they claim God to be. They fail to recognize their most dear brother.

Of course, this situation is not confined to the past. Our world today fails again and again to recognize Christ. But if we would say that we truly love Christ, then wouldn't we want to be able to recognize him everywhere that he was? Furthermore, if we are truly grateful for what Christ does in our lives, then shouldn't we want those we love to see him as well? If we do, it seems there are two ways this can happen: we can point him out, and we can reflect his image.

I think this latter method, above all else, is what God wants of us who are privileged to receive the Eucharist every day. Our status as beloved sons and daughters of God demands that we take on one another as beloved sisters and brothers. What greater act of love can we make than to help them to see the Jesus we receive each day?

Glory to Jesus Christ! Glory Forever!

The Annunciation of the Lord

2009-03-30T15:06:00.001-04:00

Readings for the Solemnity of the Annunciation

When I picture this scene between Mary and the angel Gabriel, I see something very dramatic. I think at least on some level, Mary must have understood what was being asked of her, what would be riding on her shoulders. She must have had a sense at least that her boy would be no ordinary boy, but that somehow in him would be the salvation of the world. I find myself wondering, "How did she have the strength to say 'yes' to that?!" How could she give her consent to such an extraordinary task?

Yet, it occurs to me that we stand in Mary's position each time we come to the altar for Eucharist. We take into our very bodies the power that saves the world and we carry him out beyond the walls of the church to our friends and neighbors. The key to understanding this mystery, though, is not that Mary's "fiat" was as routine as our "Amen" can become if we let it, but that our "Amen," each time we receive the Eucharist, is as monumental as Mary's fiat. Both Gabriel's message and the message "The Body of Christ" are to be received with open hands and open heart.

Glory to Jesus Christ! Glory Forever!

What Can I Offer?

2009-03-19T20:45:00.001-04:00

Normally, I would just post the homily I gave at the daily Mass, but today it would make more sense for this post if I start off describing what I did.

They teach us in seminary that there are three reasons to preach: to delight, to teach, and to persuade. Any preacher can, and ought, to rely on the Holy Spirit to supply the right inspiration for the first and the last of those goals, but teaching is very much dependent on the knowledge one has "up there." I found myself seriously questioning what I could possibly teach to the daily Mass crowd here at St. Peter's in Saratoga. Like most daily Mass congregations, they all know way more than I do about life. On top of that, most of the things I know that they don't, they wouldn't really want to know anyway! Then, I had an idea…

As a part of the internship program, I have to look over the statistics for the parish and send a profile back to Mundelein. One of the things I learned was that only about a third of the people registered at St. Peter's attend Mass regularly. (They have just over 3,000 registered parishioners, and they're average weekend Mass attendance is around 1,000.) It occurred to me that this probably weighs on the minds of the daily Mass goers. It also occurred to me that the majority of the people in the parish who don't go to Mass are around my age. So… I got my idea for what I could teach: I can share the insights, arguments, and stories that have made sense to me, touched me, and my friends, and have kept me in church so that they can in turn share them with their friends and neighbors.

Today's Readings were from Deuteronomy and the Gospel According to St. Matthew.

The other night I was leading a discussion group for the 11^th-graders preparing for confirmation here at St. Peter's. I asked them to share their thoughts with me on Jesus and the Church. One girl said something to the effect of, "Well… I like Jesus… he talks about peace and being a good person. But it seems like the Church is just about rules and regulations." Today's gospel reading, in fact, highlights Jesus' relationship to rules and sheds light even on the relationship between him, the mission he gives us, and his Church.

Here's what people have said that make sense to me. First of all, Christian discipleship looks like something. The ten commandments, for instance, show us the bare minimum of what loving God and loving our neighbor looks like. In other words, Jesus never tells us to do something without first showing us how. Second, he never asks us to do anything alone, he has given us the gift of the Church to support our discipleship.

That works for me… maybe you'll find it helpful too.

Glory to Jesus Christ! Glory Forever!

Signs for Every Generation

2009-03-05T14:32:00.001-05:00

Wednesday's readings were from Jon 3:1-10; Ps 51:3-4, 12-13, 18-19; and Lk 11:29-32.

"This generation is an evil generation; it seeks a sign…" Jesus laments at the beginning of our gospel reading today. It occurs to me, though, that it is part of human nature to look for signs, to look for proof, especially when it comes to divine matters. In every generation, people want proof that Jesus Christ was who he claimed to be and that his teachings are valid, worth following.

Today, we commemorate St. Casimir, and I want to share with you a snippet from an account of his life. St. Casimir was a prince, and this is what someone wrote of him:

By the power of the Holy Spirit, Casimir burned with a sincere and unpretentious love for almighty God that was almost unbelievable in its strength. So rich was his love and so abundantly did it fill his heart, that it flowed out from his inner spirit toward his fellow men. As a result, nothing was more pleasant, nothing more desirable for him, than to share his belongings, and even to dedicate and give his entire self to Christ's poor, to strangers, to the sick, to those in captivity and to all who suffer. To widows, orphans and the afflicted, he was not only a guardian and patron but a father, son and brother.

I ask you: if you could have met St. Casimir, would have been inclined to believe what he had to say about Jesus Christ? As you looked at the example of his life, would it not have been easy for you to believe in Christ's teachings? Was he not a "sign" to his generation?

The discipline and penance we follow in Lent is meant to empty us out—to make the most room for what Jesus wants to give us. When we allow this to happen—allow ourselves to be filled completely with what Jesus wishes to give us—our very lives become proof and validation for the person and teachings of Jesus Christ. We give our loved ones the sign the long for so desperately.

Glory to Jesus Christ! Glory Forever!

A Belated Reflection…

2009-02-28T14:39:00.001-05:00

Over the last Christmas break, the seminarians of Albany got to make a pilgrimage to Rome and Assisi. It was a truly wonderful experience for all of us which will undoubtedly bear much fruit well into the future. Below is a little reflection on one thing I gleaned from the experience and what impact I think it might have on my current and future ministry in the diocese of Albany.

I had never really thought much about what Rome meant as the city of Ss. Peter and Paul, but after encountering Rome through this lens, I have a new perspective on the entire Christian life and its ultimate goal. I am struck by how these two saints almost seemed to see the culmination of their ministry of evangelization in preaching to the people of Rome. It's almost as if the Holy Spirit saw Rome as the most fertile ground to plant the seeds of these two martyrs' lives. As we walked about in the churches housing their relics and the relics of literally thousands of other martyrs who followed in their footsteps, all the while surrounded by the ruins of the city that their faith transformed, I was overwhelmed by the concrete masterpiece of God's providence.

In our seminary formation, much is said about the need for us to become ever more configured to Christ, the King who reigns from the throne of the cross. Our formators tell us frequently about the need to develop a spirit of self-sacrifice and endless generosity in order to be good priests. In principle, I have never disagreed, but as I reflect on what I have now seen with my own eyes in Rome, I realize that Rome itself is a proof that our hope in the Lord's grace is never in vain. When one considers the supreme sacrifice made by both Peter and Paul, the uncertainty and trauma that their deaths must have imparted to their fledgling churches, the thousands of people who would be inspired to follow in their footsteps over the following centuries, how those acorn churches they founded have grown into mighty oaks… there is indeed cause for rejoicing here.

I think this is the most important impact the pilgrimage will have on my ministry at home. It strikes me that people in our diocese have so little to look forward to. According to recent surveys, a majority of them are so unsatisfied with their lives in New York State, they would move if they could, but are tied to the area by inadequate finances, family situations, or lack of employment opportunities. The prospects our economy offers are grim, at best. Then, there is the very painful process of Called-to-be-Church which many have nick-named "Called-to-be-Closed," embodying the disillusionment of so many people who had always thought their parish church—with its own priest—would always be there waiting for them whenever they needed it. What I see my people facing at home, then, is a multitude of challenges to having real hope in Christ. There are so many occasions at home to become discouraged, cynical and skeptical about the future, but our people need to see that our hope in Christ's promises is never in vain. Before I would ever be able to impart that hope to my people, however, I would first have to be convicted in that hope myself; this is what the pilgrimage experience has done for me. As I look at the examples of Peter, Paul, and the countless martyrs who followed them, I can have hope that my devotion to the people of God in the Albany diocese will not be in vain, that it will actually be helpful and fertilize the seeds of faith others planted generations ago. In a way I could not before, I can now preach hope in Christ with my life.

Glory to Jesus Christ! Glory Forever!

The Challenge of All Souls’ Day

2008-11-01T12:43:00.001-04:00

By the way, just as a reminder/clarification. Those of you who were reading my reflections over the summer may have noticed that my language is a bit different now than then. The main reason for this is that my classmates (actually, only seven of them) are my "congregation" now. This represents an element of how we are trained to preach. Instead of making up homilies for an "imaginary" or "hypothetical" congregation, we simply preach to our brother seminarians. The theory is that this way of practicing will help us learn to interpret life with the scriptures better than trying to apply the scriptures to imagined conditions. So, if you're wondering why my language isn't gender-inclusive anymore, or why my reflections might seem less relevant to the average person in the pew, this is why. In fact, we are now recording our homilies, so in the next week or two it might be possible for me to post the video online. I had also thought some of you might find it interesting to see the way we evaluate one another's homilies in class. If you'd be interested in seeing the forms and the comments my classmates make, let me know and I'll ask if they would mind my posting them online for you all to see.

The Church gives us several options for readings to be used on the Commemoration of All the Faithful Departed (a.k.a. "All Souls' Day"). For my homily in class, I chose to work with Jn 11:32-45.

The picture we get from the accounts of Mother Theresa's life is one of a persistent, energetic, strong-willed advocate for the poor and down-trodden. The stories we hear of the people—the sick, the dying, the abandoned—that she sought out and brought in from the streets of Calcutta reveal a woman who was aggressive and irascible in her compassion. For Mother Theresa, no one was beyond hope. No one was beyond the reach of God's love. And no one, absolutely no one, would be allowed to forget that while in her presence. Her persistence in her work is such that I have this image of her up in Heaven, interceding, and by "interceding" I mean hounding, God on behalf of all those poor on the streets of Calcutta whom she still loves.

Now, why do I mention this? Well, I want to put this image of Mother Theresa in your minds as a stark contrast to the people in today's gospel—these people who are all too willing to be skeptical about Jesus' power to heal and save. The commentators will point out that there is a tendency to soften the harshness of Jesus' emotions as they are described in the original Greek. "Perturbed" doesn't quite capture the strength of Jesus' emotion here. The Greek vividly describes Jesus' anger, not sadness, at Martha, Mary and the Jews present—anger at their lack of faith in him and his power.

John, of course, gives us a relatively sober version of the story, but in my mind's eye I can see Jesus saying "Get that stone out of the way!" "But, Lord… there will be a stench…." "I SAID, MOVE THE STONE‼!" I think it would be wise on our part, brothers, not to imitate these people in the gospel today. Instead, we must ask ourselves whether we truly have the faith to facilitate Jesus' work, or whether we instead get in the way.

Do we always look at the occasions of sin as opportunities for God's omnipotent mercy to be manifested here and now?

Or, does our faith, like that of Martha and Mary in this story, stop at what Jesus could have done had things turned out differently?

When in the midst of the seemingly hopeless situation, when we are with people who seem to have placed themselves beyond the reach of love, what do we do?

Do we anticipate Jesus' miraculous redeeming power? Do we take the initiative to "roll away the stone?"

Or, do we stand there objecting when Jesus tells us to roll away the stones of poor choices and unseal the tombs of despair in which sinners are locked?

Admittedly, these are often even well-intentioned responses of people who understand the universal need for the salvation that Jesus offers.

On days like All Souls' when we take time to focus on those who have gone before us with the tell-tale signs of the bumps and bruises of life in a fallen world, we cannot help but be reminded of those we love who have gone before us not-so-clearly-marked by the sign of faith. The relevant question is do we despair over their salvation and abandon them in the tombs they have hewn? Or rather, do we think about the widow of Nain, who moves Jesus with her tears to raise her son, and go to work on their behalf in our prayer, pestering God to extend his mercy to those we love???

I call your attention to the Offertory prayer the Church prescribes for All Souls' Day…

O Lord Jesus Christ, King of Glory, deliver the souls of all the departed faithful from the sufferings of hell and from the deep pit; deliver them from the mouth of the lion, may they not be swallowed up by hell, may they not fall into darkness; but may Saint Michael, the standard-bearer, present them in holy light as you promised long ago to Abraham and his descendants. We offer our sacrifices and our prayers to you, O Lord; receive them for the souls that we are remembering today; O lord, make them pass from death into life as you promised…

Glory to Jesus Christ! Glory Forever!

Love: The Measure of Christian Greatness

2008-11-01T12:02:00.001-04:00

Readings for the 30^th Week in Ordinary Time were from Ex 22:20-26; Ps 18:2-3, 3-4, 47, 51; 1 Thes 1:5c-10; and Mt 22:34-40.

Recently in our Special Moral class with Dr. Barrett, we've been reading a lot of Josef Pieper's work on the virtues. It struck me as I was going through the readings that he highlights acedia as being opposed to several of the virtues. He describes it as a fear of embracing the greatness for which God has destined us. This fear then leads us away from wanting to acquire virtue because we fear the responsibility, the greatness, that it brings.

But what does this greatness look like exactly? Christian greatness—our Lord makes it very clear in today's gospel—is loving "the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind… and loving your neighbor as yourself." The two commands are inextricably linked with each other; the deepening in one perfects the practice of the other. But "Why is this true?"

Frank Sinatra had a song that went like this, "Falling in love with love is falling for make believe. Falling in love with love is playing a fool…." God bless Frank, but he had it all wrong! This is the very heart of the command that Jesus says sums up all the law and the prophets. Let me put it this way, only when we are indeed in love with love itself can we truly love as Jesus shows us, selflessly, loving others as ourselves and not for ourselves. But what does this look like?

Last week, I was talking with a priest from my diocese, and he shared with me his view of Jesus' embrace of the passion. He said, "I see a Jesus who leaps onto the cross and is happy to do it again and again and again." What a striking and yet perplexing image this is. How is it that Jesus can sacrifice himself, take on such terrible suffering, submit to such abject humiliation—and do it, not resentfully, not sorrowfully, not even hesitantly, but with sweet abandon?! The answer, at least in part, is that he can see how much his self-sacrifice helps us; he knows that it saves us, and he is happy to save us, no matter what the personal cost, because he loves us that much. His love for us is so perfect, so great, that our salvation brings him immense joy. His love for the Father above all else is what makes sharing a love of such intensity even possible. He can still delight in giving his love to all humanity, even to those people who will reject it, because he can delight in the act of loving itself. This is the fruit of placing the love of God, a love for love itself, ahead of all other love. It goes without saying that our call to act in the person of Christ as head and shepherd is a call to embrace this kind of love for God and for his people. It is a call to make the words of the psalmist our own where he says, "You have placed within my heart a marvelous love for the faithful ones who dwell in the land." It also goes without saying that this is a tall order.

But, we get to train for it; our time here at seminary, it seems to me, is filled with opportunities to prepare ourselves for this kind of self-gift. Think of all the ways in which we can practice generosity here at the seminary. We can share our livelihood. Something as simple as setting aside our spare change for the Baby bottle campaign. We can share our time, the most precious resource of the seminarian. Run a study group. Be a conversation partner for a guy learning a second language. But most importantly, take the time to notice whether a brother needs a hand, and if he does, offer it. And above all, we can share our very presence. Are we available to our brother seminarians? If they reach out to us, will we be there for them? Or, do we start checking our watches 10 minutes into Cam night? Complain for an entire week leading up to and following a retreat about the work we won't accomplish? Are we away from the campus every weekend working in a parish, so that when it comes time for endorsement, no one really knows who we are, and we don't really know anyone else? Are we preparing to act as Christ the shepherd present among the flock he has been given, or are we setting ourselves up for the "Where's Father?" award?

In short, the challenges of community life here and now are opportunities to reach out in selfless love. They are opportunities to become great Christians. If we run away from these challenges, we are running away from Christian greatness. It does not make a difference where we run to. At the end of the day, the double command of Jesus is the measuring stick which judges all the thoughts and actions of any Christian.

Now, if Christians are to be known by their love for one another, we who would be priests must always ask ourselves, "How will these good Christian people recognize me as their priest?" Frankly, if we do not first become great Christians by this standard, if we do not gain a love for love itself that makes us capable of always loving joyfully the fellow Christians surrounding us here and now, they never will.

Glory to Jesus Christ! Glory Forever!

P.S. I usually like to include a picture with each post, but trying to find something appropriate for Christian love… well… let's just say the ad nauseam plethora of cutesy-poo images out there betrays the lack of seriousness with which people understand love. So, at least this picture at the top is impressive in its own right. God Bless!

A Type of the Priesthood

2008-10-26T16:56:00.001-04:00

Readings for the 29^th Sunday in Ordinary Time were from Is 45:1, 4-6; Ps 96:1, 3, 4-5, 7-8, 9-10; 1 Thes 1:1-5b; and Mt 22:15-21

"I have called you by your name, giving you a title, though you knew me not."

My brothers, I am convinced that Cyrus is a type of our call to the priesthood. In the midst of the frustrations and busy-ness of these mid-term weeks, we must not allow ourselves to forget that it is the Lord who has brought us here, "though we knew him not."

Consider our lives in formation… where would we be if not here? I don't mean on the level of profession or educational track, married or not… these are not the truly important questions. The real question is, "Would I be on the path to holiness God even leveled for me, or down in the ditch with the devil?" "Would I be walking down the path of 'open doors and unbarred gates'—the path of the sacraments, of spiritual direction, of holy trial and self-discipline—or beating my head against the walls of regret, mediocrity, uncertainty, and the status quo?" I can certainly look back on my own life before I was a seminarian and see the possibilities, things I could have done… things I might would have liked to do… but that's all I see, only possibilities, only mere dreams and shadows of what I have actually done so far.

What was I before I was a seminarian? Well, St. Francis of Assisi liked to say, "What a man is in God's eyes, that he is and nothing more." So again, we must ask the question, "What would I be in God's eyes had I said 'no' to his call on my life to come to seminary?" "Would I be a useful servant?" "Whom would I be serving?" He is the Lord, and there is no other!

But we object, don't we?! We experience failures, we see our shortcomings, we come face to face with our utter unworthiness to be anything at all in God's eyes… and we 'praise' Jesus tongue-in-cheek like the Pharisees of this Sunday's gospel. "Jesus, you are truthful."—Yet you must have been trying to make me feel good about myself when you called me… "Jesus, you teach the way of God."—But I already know that I'm a useless pupil, a dunce, and unable to learn anything at all… "Jesus, you are not driven by human respect."—So you must have ignored all those people who remember just how selfish I used to be, how immoral, how ignorant… Jesus, are you sure you consulted enough before you called me? "Jesus, you take no notice of status."—Hmph. Obviously. All of this, brothers, is to forget the purpose of our call.

Our call is not for ourselves, it is for the People of God. Look back to Cyrus… why does God call him, a non-Jew? "So that toward the rising and the setting of the sun people may know that there is none besides me." Our formation for the priesthood is meant to be a wonder to behold, a miraculous feat of transformation from sinner to saint, from selfishness to self-sacrifice. God has called us—precisely—to demonstrate his power so that when the course of our lives is considered, all will truly say to the Lord, "You are God and there is no other… There is none other who grasps us by the hand."

Glory to Jesus Christ! Glory Forever!

The Kingdom of God and High-school Nightmares

2008-10-18T17:19:00.001-04:00

This Past Sunday's Readings were from Is 25:6-10a; Ps 23:1-3a, 3b-4, 5, 6; Phil 4:12-14, 19-20; Mt 22:1-14 or 22:1-10

I have yet to encounter anyone who hasn't, at some time or other, been plagued by the nightmare of showing up at school clad in nothing but their underwear. (Or at least some permutation of that dream) I had these dreams for years in one form or another, and what I find striking about them in retrospect, particularly the nightmares I would have about school, is that they never had anything to do with being unable to do schoolwork. I never dreamt about not knowing how to spell a word, do a math problem, or botching a report in front of the class. Instead, the nightmare always entailed doing something right, achieving some little success, only to turn to my classmates and find that "mysteriously" there was nothing between me and their penetrating stares except some Fruit of the Loom. Usually, it was at this point in the dream, as all my classmates started pointing and laughing, that I would remember I had indeed neglected to put on all of my clothes before leaving the house that morning. These kinds of dreams express something critical about the real world: true preparedness has more to do with the context of a job than with the task at hand itself.

This is what I see as the thrust of this Sunday's readings. What we see in the gospel today, for instance, is that there really is no moral pre-condition for an invitation to the wedding feast. The king's men go out and bring in everybody—the good, the bad, and most assuredly, the ugly. At the wedding feast of the king's son, it is the future of the realm that is at stake. It makes sense, then, that the current state of the guests invited is of less importance than their potential—whether or not they are prepared to enter into the celebration properly. Out of the entire motley crew the servants gather in, only one has utterly missed the point and, with no excuse, has neglected to wear the proper attire. This one's failure is not any different than the failure of all those who previously rejected the king's invitation and killed his messengers. The gospel says, "Some ignored the invitation and went away, one to his farm, another to his business." We see in these poor people the tragedy of getting so entangled in the web of one's everyday affairs that the ultimate purpose of all work—the kingdom—gets forgotten.

Now, the paradise Isaiah describes for us today is nothing else than the ultimate fulfillment of God's grand design of salvation. This, is the end for which we are all destined. All of our undertakings, all of our concerns, our struggles, trials, and successes are means to that final end at best and distractions from it at worst.

Here at Mundelein, we are like that motley crew gathered in by the king's servants. We come here, from all walks of life, from all situations and backgrounds. Not one of us is here because he was "worthy" as his vocation director found him but because he showed some promise of becoming so. The challenge at hand, then, is whether or not we are properly open to be formed here at seminary. At the core of what we do here we find theology, prayer, pastoral work, and the like. But just as it is totally inappropriate for one to do arithmetic, spelling, or whatever, in grammar school dressed in his underwear can we undertake our responsibilities here without the faith that our ultimate destination is to be servants at the eternal wedding feast. This is the context of our work. This faith, this knowledge, this hope, is our garment of preparedness.

Glory to Jesus Christ! Glory Forever!

Where Do Great Priests Come From?

2008-10-05T14:25:00.001-04:00

Today's readings are taken from Is 5:1-7; Ps 80:9, 12, 13-14, 15-16, 19-20; Phil 4:6-9; and Mt 21:33-43

There's a series of ads on TV for California dairy products. They each feature some goofy situation with talking cows enjoying the sun and the fun of the California environment. Then, at the end of each commercial, is the slogan, "Great cheese comes from happy cows. Happy cows come from California." This Sunday's readings provide us seminarians with the answer to a similar, though infinitely more relevant question, "Where do great priests come from?"

Beginning with the selection from Isaiah, we see the image of Landowner and vineyard extended and developed, sometimes subtly and at other times bluntly. It occurs to me that priests, in many ways, are called to be the 'new tenants' the scribes and Pharisees predict in the gospel. However, I don't think we can make that jump without first recognizing that the entire People of God is the vineyard itself. When we see that this is true, we have to recognize that we all start out as little grapes on the vine being tended by other vinedressers.

This image is particularly important for us as seminarians; we must reflect on how it has come about that we are here. We must ask questions like, "From what exactly did God uproot me, and from what is he still trying to uproot me, so that he could plant me here in this 'seed-bed' we call Mundelein?" As we look around us, do we notice and appreciate the soil of the seminary system the Lord has tilled for us? the hedges, and the watchtower, the seminary faculty, that he has built up for our protection? Finally, and most importantly, do we recognize ordination as the wine-press that it truly is?

What we hear from St. Paul today makes it very clear that nothing is too good for the vineyard of the Lord. After all, its mission is to produce a choice wine. And herein lies the poignant mystery of our years here: having no anxiety at all, we must learn to see, appreciate, and emulate the goodness into which God has transplanted us, knowing all the while that our purpose is "the press" of the laying on of hands. In a sense then, the goal of all the care showered upon us here is our very destruction. Yet, in the paschal mystery of Christ, we have resurrection. Where do great priests, humble and responsible tenant vinedressers come from? In God's design, they come from the sweetest, plumpest, and most thoroughly crushed grapes.

Glory to Jesus Christ! Glory Forever!

The Kingdom’s HR Department

2008-09-18T13:55:00.001-04:00

Something I enjoy thinking about when I'm getting frustrated in my work or with my struggle for deepening conversion to Christ is the looks of joy on the faces of the Blessed Mother and all the saints when one day, by the grace of God, I'll cross the threshold of Heaven. I find great encouragement in imagining what the joy in heaven over my repentance would look like and what the consequent welcome into paradise I might receive would entail—shaking hands with the Doctors of the Church, pats on the back from the Martyrs, perhaps a solid punch in the arm from the Apostles, and a true mother's embrace and kiss on the forehead from Mary… It truly is a beautiful image to think about our welcome into the City of God.

Contrast this with the resentment of the early-bird workers in this Sunday's gospel. Rather than rejoicing that their brethren finally received some gainful employment, they are resentful of their master's generosity. It is clear that the laborers have little, if any, connection to one another. There is no rejoicing over the good fortune of those who come late to the vineyard, and apparently no promise of any sharing in the benefits of the landowner's generosity. We must never allow this to be the image of our work for God's kingdom.

On a very practical level, I'm left wondering where all of these extra laborers kept coming from throughout the day. Jesus does make it sound as if there is a constant trickle of new laborers coming to the marketplace for the landlord to hire each time he goes out. What I would be left wondering if this were a real-world situation is, "Why aren't the workers bringing one another to the vineyard?" There is very clearly more than enough work to go around. This lack of sharing the good news of employment actually makes more work for the vineyard owner who must constantly go out looking again and again for more workers.

I think Jesus is telling us something here about the immensity of the work of the kingdom. It is a task that will require the labor of every single person on earth, not only the most industrious early risers. No, the task of restoring the fallen state of creation back to God's original plan demands the participation and struggle of every single one of us. Particularly for those of us who will be priests, this means that along with our labor in the vineyard itself, we also must take on the responsibility of inviting our brothers and sisters with us into the fields. As a very wise priest once said, "Our journey to Heaven is not about being able to say to the Lord, 'Look, here I am!' but rather 'Look, here I am, and see whom I have brought with me!'" Then, and only then, will we truly be in a position to rejoice over the lavish generosity of our Heavenly Father.

Glory to Jesus Christ! Glory Forever!

P.S. I am back at Mundelein, and this reflection was for our Cam night on 3-Blvd last night. Thought I'd post it just to give some kind of update. Things are off to a fast start; not even two weeks into things, I'm already behind! There are still pictures from some of my 'adventures' over the summer I'd like to be able to post.

Out of Nothing

2008-07-17T11:32:00.001-04:00

Today's readings come from Is 10:5-7, 13b-16; Ps 94:5-6, 7-8, 9-10, 14-15; and Mt 11:25-27

As I was reading Jesus' words in the gospel today about the Father's revelation of his love and power to the "childlike," I was reminded of an event that happened during my time at Sarnelli House.

It was a cold, rainy, foggy, miserable day in Kensington—one of those days where you need only step outside and the cold penetrates right to your bones. It was a Tuesday, and on Tuesdays we would always let our guests from the streets come in to take a shower, get new underclothes, and whatever other types of clothing they might need. As our guests were filing in that Tuesday, though, I remember thinking to myself, "Y'know, I have to wonder why God allows this. I think if it were me out there in weather like this, I would just have to say to God, 'Take me… take me now, this just isn't worth it.'" As we prayed with our guests, the way we always began anything we did at Sarnelli House, Dennis, crippled years earlier when a bus had run over him, got up on his crutches to say, "I just want to thank the Lord for waking me up this morning and giving me another day of life." I knew that the best accommodations he had found the night before were probably a cardboard box. His prayer hit me like few other epiphanies ever have. He got it… he, this homeless man from the streets where the Rocky movies were filmed, had an understanding of God's love and providential care that far outstripped mine, a college graduate with a BA in Religious Studies.

Again and again we see this theme echoed throughout scripture: God works with nothing. Out of nothing, God brings good. Out of weakness, God brings strength. Out of humility, God brings honor. Out of emptiness, God brings love. Out of ignorance and meekness, God brings wisdom. This is what we hear Jesus saying in the gospel today and it is what we hear in the irony of the passage from Isaiah.

Today, we commemorate the appearance of Our Lady on Mt. Carmel. I think that oftentimes in the language of Marian devotion we lose sight of the full significance of Mary's virginity. God brought forth a child from a virgin. This is the example par excellence of God's method of working through human beings, bringing wonders forth from what they lack. In Mary's example, we see that God does not need our "help," at least as far as our accomplishments go, so much as he needs our openness to him—our openness to allowing him to supply everything we lack on our own.

For today, then, let us give some thought to our own weakness, emptiness, foolishness, and so forth, and ask the Lord, who loves us with an undivided heart, to give us the grace to be more open to him so that he might work his wonders through us. Let us also think about those ways in which perhaps we are over-confident in our own abilities, or proud of our own accomplishments, and ask God to help us see in what ways the things we "have to offer" might actually be getting in the way of the work God longs to accomplish through what we lack.

Glory to Jesus Christ! Glory Forever!

Why Them? Why Me? Why us?

2008-07-09T12:39:00.001-04:00

Today's readings come from Hosea 10:1-3, 7-8, 12; Psalm 105:2-7; and Matthew 10:1-7

It was just under a year ago that I was moving my things into the residence hall at Mundelein Seminary. Even though I had visited the campus twice before, this was my first opportunity to look at the little details. One of the things anyone notices once they start looking around is that the builders found a way to put a cross just about anywhere. They're on the doorknobs, the lampposts, the tops of the buildings, pretty much anywhere you look, basically. As joyously has I had received the Rite of Candidacy, and as happy as I was to be there with David and Michael, all I was saying to myself was, "What the *%&$# was I thinking to come here?! Let's see… I could probably get down to O'Hare pretty easily from here and jump a plane to… just about anywhere but here would do." Thankfully, I didn't run; I stayed and went through a period of adjustment during which God placed the right people in my life to say the right things at the right time.

One day, I was having a conversation with (now Father) Lance who lived across the hall from me. Lance was in his mid-late forties, had been and accountant, and at one time had even been the CFO of one the native tribes in Wisconsin. (Translation… high-powered job handling tens of millions of dollars.) We were discussing the questions that arise for a man as he goes throughout seminary formation: worthiness, feasibility, confusion, and so forth. He said to me,

Jay, I've become convinced that the Gospels are explicitly clear on these issues. Whenever I find myself asking the question, "Why am I here?" I remember the example of the apostles. Look at who Jesus picked to surround himself and carry out the mission of spreading the gospel: fisherman, laborers, a tax collector… not a single scribe or Pharisee among them. I'm sure that at the time, they had no idea why Jesus called them, but they persevered in a trust that they had some role to play in God's plan of salvation.

If you think about it, Jesus didn't say to Peter when he met him, "Come, follow me, I want you to be the head of the People of God in a new covenant that I am mediating between God and all of humanity." NO! I highly doubt that he would have gotten anywhere with that approach! All he said was, "Come, follow me." And Peter followed, putting one foot in front of the other, making mistakes, but eventually allowing God's plan for him to unfold over time.

We cannot know why it is that Christ chose those twelve men, including Judas, or why God chose Israel, or why the Spirit chooses us now. As we look at this week's readings from Hosea, it is abundantly clear that we all cause God no small amount of grief! Nevertheless, God has chosen us, and all he needs from us is our assent to put one foot in front of the other, following him each day until our role in his plan of salvation unfolds throughout our lives.

Glory to Jesus Christ! Glory Forever!

Portraits of Fear

2008-07-02T09:50:00.001-04:00

Today's readings are from Amos 5:14-15, 21-24; Psalm 50:7-13, 16-17; and Matthew 8:28-34.

Between the first reading today and the Gospel, we get two different portraits of fear—one is of healthy, genuine fear of the Lord, the other is unhealthy, a fear of God's love and power. In the reading from Amos, Israel is exhorted very harshly to cease and desist its evil deeds, namely the gross social injustice which it had allowed to run rampant in its society. We see a God depicted who is extremely dissatisfied with the state of this fledgling nation that he had brought up out of Egypt. In his anger, which seems to be the dominant theme of this week's Old Testament readings from Amos, God is ready, willing, and able to discipline his people. Note well, however, that discipline is always an outgrowth of love, and we are told that it is indeed out of his love for Israel that God plans such discipline.

Then on the other hand, in today's gospel we see the Gadarenes (or Gerasenes, if you have a different translation) who cannot get Jesus out of their territory fast enough after he exorcises the two possessed men. Jesus manifests his divine power to dispel the forces of evil in an act of profound healing, yet the people's response is one of fear. It is very clearly not the response Jesus was hoping for, yet what we see in the first reading today is essentially an exhortation to be afraid of God's power. Are you confused yet?

The key to understanding these contraries, notice I do not say "contradictions," lies in understanding the nature of God's love for us. God's love for us is multi-faceted; it both includes and transcends friendship, romance, respect, and yes, parental love. In our attempts to relate to God, we cannot forget that all of these elements must be present since it is through all of these ways, and then some, that God extends his love to us.

I can remember quite vividly "The Spoon" from my childhood. Yes, the infamous tool of discipline that was placed conspicuously within my mother's reach whenever I was getting just a little too uppity. I knew all too well why it was there and how it would be used if my behavior didn't change. However, I also remember just as clearly the cuts, scrapes, and bruises that my mother cleaned, bandaged, and kissed and the profound sense of being loved that those actions brought with them. Now, as an adult, I can look back even on "The Spoon" and see how loving the discipline was that I received as well.

What we see in the Gadarenes today is a rejection of the all-encompassing, multi-faceted love of God, namely its power to dispel evil and to effect enormous, life-altering transformations. What we cannot fail to miss in their example is just how natural it is to have such an adverse reaction to Love and how Jesus exhibits understanding and patience in the face of such a rejection. God understands that we are in need of growth and that human growth takes time. Nevertheless, what we cannot fail to take away from the first reading is that growth is not optional. God expects us to use the blessings of his love, not to squander them, and we will be held accountable for our use, or disuse, of what God has freely given. In his love, he reaches out to us—to heal and to discipline.

So for today, let's pray about those areas of our life where we have been resistant to some aspect of God's love for us, and ask him for the grace to open our hearts more to the love he wants to give us.

Glory to Jesus Christ! Glory forever!

Mundelein Music

2008-06-25T21:11:00.005-04:00

Well, it took me a while to figure this one out, but I think I've finally come up with a way to put some music up on my blog. Hurray! Try right-clicking the blog title and opening the link in a new tab (or window). It should take you to the online storage site Box.net and give you the option to either download or stream the recording of the Mundelein Chant Schola doing the Pentecost Sequence. Let me know if it works for you!

~J

Judgment vs. Discernment

2008-06-25T15:15:00.001-04:00

Whew! Ok, I can finally say that I have "arrived" at Our Lady of the Assumption Parish here in Latham, NY. Actually, I showed up on June 6^th, was here for a week, left for our Seminarians' Summer Gathering, and have been back for almost another week. Today, however, I gave my first reflection at the 9:00AM daily Mass. I have so much to share about what's been going on since the quarter ended out at Mundelein—I've been here, there, and everywhere—but I wanted to start right away with sharing my weekly reflections. (Fr. Burke and I have worked it out that I'll give a reflection every Wednesday at the daily Mass. I figure these will also make good blogs… and a chance for you to… um… give me feedback? Pretty please?) Anyhow, this week and into next week, our 1^st readings are taken from the 2^nd Book of Kings; we're getting to hear the saga of which kings were faithful and which kings were responsible for getting Israel and Judah carried off into exile. The gospel passages are from Matthew. Today, specifically, the readings were 2 Kings 22:8-13, 23:1-3; Psalm 119:33-40; and Matthew 7:15-20.

Today's psalm speaks about discernment, and I think that this is a very important theme running throughout these readings. Did anyone notice the tension between today's gospel telling us to beware of false prophets and Monday's gospel telling us not to judge one another? Or did you notice, back in Monday's first reading, that Israel is essentially led off into exile because it behaved in exactly the same way as the nations all around it, "whom the Lord had cleared out of the way of the children of Israel," only to hear in the gospel "Why do you notice the splinter in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye?" These readings all highlight the difference between judgment and discernment.

We certainly cannot pass judgment on anyone's relationship with God. We cannot know the state of a person's soul or the inmost dispositions of someone's heart. These things are the matter for God's final judgment and therefore are no cause for concern on our part beyond the obligations of charity. Nevertheless, we are called, in today's gospel, to exercise discernment when it comes to behaviors. We must judge right from wrong in people's actions and we would be stupid not to notice patterns. We must be on guard against the abuses of people who time and again behave selfishly, foolishly, angrily, faithlessly and so forth. That is, we must be on guard that we do not come to imitate their examples.

On the flip side of this, however, we must be aware at all times that people are watching us and judging our behaviors and drawing conclusions about us from what they see. Their judgments of our behaviors will reflect on the faith we profess. For instance, what message would it send if a daily "Mass-goer" were to be a total Scrooge when it came to finances? What if it were obvious that they never knew what it was to give a gift or send money to a charitable organization? Or, on the other hand, what if it was well-known that they were frivolous with their money, spending dollar after dollar on every silly little luxury but running out of funds for basic needs? In each of these extreme cases, we would see someone who doesn't really believe that they have a role in God's plan of salvation for others. Both, while in different ways, refuse to provide for others. What kind of faith does that show? Do we believe that irresponsibility is a good thing? Certainly not, but were we to behave this way, why should anyone think otherwise? The same goes for things like worry: worry too much and it shows that you don't trust in God's providence, get too fancy-free and people will think that you have no real care for the future. How could a worry-filled person inspire anyone to trust in God, and who in their right mind would listen to the exhortation to "Let go and let God" from someone who clearly wouldn't prepare for future problems anyhow? This type of thinking applies to just about any subject that touches on the virtues.

To sum it all up, we always need to be mindful both of whose examples we follow and the type of examples we set. Both are obligations of charity, the first to ourselves, the second to our neighbor.

Excursus: The Road to Priesthood

2008-05-02T23:25:00.001-04:00

Well, April has been one wild ride out here at Mundelein! Most notably, we had our bus trip to St. Joseph's Seminary in New York to see… drum roll, please… THE POPE! Yeah, that's right, the successor of St. Peter, Chief of Apostles, here, in the flesh, on our own native soil. What an experience! What's more… I even have pictures! The problem, however, is that I can't get the pictures off my camera and onto my computer. The camera's driver software is not Vista compatible, and since upgrading to Vista, my card reader no longer works. Alas. So… I'm going to wait to blog on the Pope-trip, or Pope-Mania as one of our seminary professors took to calling it, until I can post with pics.

For now, I want to address some of the questions that were left in the comments to my last post which had to do with the process of becoming a priest. You know, I never cease to be surprised by how many people are unfamiliar with the process of becoming a priest. I meet several people, for instance, who think that seminarians are priests, or that it is a relatively quick process to become a priest. I suppose we can attribute these widespread misconceptions to the rarity of men answering God's call to the ordained priesthood in our times. It's just so rare for many Catholics to actually know a seminarian that I can understand why the process can seem so mysterious. Well, it's time to clear up the mystery!

Question 1: How long does it take to become a priest?

Answer: According to the current rules set out in the Program for Priestly Formation (PPF), the process requires two full years of a "Pre-Theology" program, or four years at a college seminary, and then four years in a "Theology" program at an approved Catholic major seminary. So, in the Unites States, where most dioceses and religious orders (if not all) require a bachelor's degree before they will sponsor a man at a major seminary, this all adds up to a minimum of four years beyond the Bachelor's degree (if coming from a college seminary) or six years after the Bachelor's if one needs to go through a "Pre-Theology" program. (That's my track, though I got grandfathered in under older requirements so it will only work out to five years beyond the Bachelor's.)

What is entailed in these two programs? Well, here's the simple version. The PPF outlines four areas of formation: human, spiritual, intellectual, and pastoral. Human formation focuses on helping a man to form himself into a healthy, celibate, sociable, respectable, wholesome leader (in a nutshell). Spiritual formation then seeks to help that man ground himself in a life of prayer so that he will become ever more conformed to the person of Jesus Christ as head and shepherd in whose name he will do all of his ministry. Intellectual formation strives to prepare men to be effective teachers and preachers of God's Word—teachers who know the Christian Tradition well enough to help the Church discern what it can use to spread the Gospel and what it cannot. Finally, pastoral formation has as its goal showing a man how to take the fruits of the other three areas and use them successfully in ministry to the People of God. Essentially, these four "pillars" of formation determine the content of all programs at a college seminary, a pre-theology program, or a major seminary. The main difference would be the proportions in which these various elements are combined and their particular focuses. Generally, pre-theology focuses on philosophy whereas theology focuses on… theology… go figure! Human formation at the pre-theology level focuses on discernment, developing a prayer life, and getting a man used to being a public figure. At the theology level, this is continued, though with more intense and specific expectations.

Question 2: When will you be ordained?

Answer: Well, if all goes according to plan, I will be ordained a transitional deacon in May of 2010 and a priest of Jesus Christ in June of 2011.

Question 3: What if you change your mind? Can you back out?

Answer: Yes. to put it frankly. A man can leave his formation program at any point before his diaconal ordination. However, along the way, one receives the Rite of Candidacy which can be understood as a public commitment to devote oneself fully to the formation for these Holy Orders of Deacon and Priest. (It is very much like the commitment involved when one gets engaged.) After that, one may still leave, but it is generally expected that one's discernment of his vocation should be quite certain before he receives candidacy, as well as his superiors' discernment of his fitness for these orders.

Question 4: How could you tell this is what you wanted to do and when did you know?

Answer: To be honest, my discernment process took a really long time; it's been something I've thought about since I was a little boy. In fact, I really could do several posts on the discernment process alone, and will do so if there's enough interest. To make a long story short, though, I would say there are two necessary components to discernment, for anything, not just the priesthood: prayer and consultation. First of all, as Christians, we are all called to be men and women of prayer. In prayer, we must lay ourselves at the Lord's feet and say, "your will be done," with sweet abandon. Then, we need to shut up and listen to the movements of the Holy Spirit within the depths of our hearts. As one priest said to me, "Ask the Lord what he wants you to do, and he'll tell ya." That was some of the best advice anyone has ever given me. Then, we cannot allow our spiritual lives to become a closed conversation between us and God. Just about everything God gives to us in prayer, like all of the blessings he gives us, are meant to be shared with others. In the discernment of one's vocation, this looks like trying out different forms of ministry and listening closely to the feedback people give you. For me, I have almost always had people telling me that I should become a priest, that I would make a good priest, and so forth. As one of our professors here summarizes it, "Your vocation is from God, but who gets to say that you're really called by God? The Church." It's easy to see the common sense of this. I might have all the desire in the world to be a priest, but if when I give scripture reflections, or try to counsel people and they fall asleep in boredom or invariably get horribly offended or confused… the chances are my call is not authentic. God always supplies the grace needed to answer his call. If the gifts just aren't there… most likely the call isn't there either.

For me, I was not able to make the decision to apply to my diocese until two years after finishing college. I was volunteering full-time with the Redemptorists in inner-city Philadelphia working with the homeless and prisoners. My time there was steeped in communal prayer, service, and the constant review and correction that comes from living in a healthy community. I also had a spiritual director who helped me to ask God the right questions in my prayer and to understand the answers I was receiving. After getting a taste of social work, teaching, counseling and apostolic work, I could see that I valued elements of all these things, but couldn't see myself doing only one of them as my "day-job." On top of that, I began to notice how unique my appreciation for the liturgy and my enjoyment of leading the community in prayer really was. When I put all of these elements together, along with what I had recognized as an inexplicable "leaning" toward the priesthood, I knew I had to take a closer look and become a seminarian.

I hope this clears up some questions, but if there are more, don't hesitate to ask!

Until next time, God Bless!

Oh, and by the way…

2008-03-27T17:49:00.001-04:00

When I set up this blog, I was hoping that it would serve three purposes: 1) It would eliminate the need for my periodic "newsletter e-mail" to my friends and family telling them how things were going, 2) It would provide an easy method of explaining to those discerning their vocation what a seminarian's life is really like through my posts talking about what was on my mind, and 3) It would provide a fast, easy way to answer people's questions about the Church, my life as a seminarian, etc. So far, it seems to be serving my first two purposes well. If you've been a regular reader… and I mean regular in the loosest sense of the word… you will have noticed, and probably will have remarked to me, that I need to post more frequently and regularly. Well, you're not wrong, but I need your help! Please, don't be afraid to leave comments on my posts, or ask for clarification. Don't hesitate to e-mail me with questions you'd like me to answer in my posts. I would appreciate it greatly if you would tell me the types of things you want to read about. I am busy here at Mundelein, but usually the reason I don't post is because I simply can't make up my mind to blog about. So, make up my mind for me! Don't be scared!

On another front… I've been working with my Spanish conversation partner, Angel Delfin from the Diocese of Kansas City-St. Joseph on creating a Spanish version of my blog. If all goes well, it should be up in a couple of weeks. Keep your fingers crossed.

Resurrection Reflection

2008-03-27T17:00:00.000-04:00

As I sit here in my room at the seminary on this Holy Saturday, I am moved to look back on this year’s Lent and evaluate. How far did I come in my spiritual journey? How much progress did I make in letting go of my favorite vices? Am I ready to go to walk the via dolorosa with Jesus, to lie with him in the tomb, all the while having a solid hope in the resurrection??? As I ponder these questions, it occurs to me that I’m going to need another Lent… many, many more Lents, actually….

Now this is not to say that my Lent has been fruitless, by no means could I say that honestly. But as our “surprise” snow storm out here at Mundelein can teach us—conveniently orchestrated on the first full day of spring—the momentum of the past does not dissipate quickly or easily. Just like Old Man Winter can still sneak in those last-ditch efforts to cover us in fluffy water, so too our habits and the attachment to ways of living life can ensnare us time and again despite our best efforts.

I have grown this Lent in my devotion to daily prayer and keeping the Liturgy of the Hours. Yet, I am still so easily distracted or sidetracked in my prayer and I don’t really treat my one-on-one time with God as carefully as I treat that time with my friends. While I didn’t give up sweets entirely this Lent, I have gotten a lot better at telling myself “no” to this, that, or the other culinary delight and have managed to lose about five pounds. Nevertheless, walking through a store filled with Easter candy only leads me to think, “Hmm… this really is a time of celebration… and those little Peeps chicks are only out once a year… along with the Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs, Cadbury Cream Eggs, malted eggs, jelly beans… oh, and how often to we get to eat chocolate bunny rabbits??? Like… never!” (To be perfectly honest with you, I know that I’d eat the grass out of the Easter basket if I could!) But on a more serious note, I have come to realize just how central the cross of Jesus Christ really is to the Christian’s spiritual journey. No matter what our particular vocation, be it to the married life, to Holy Orders or religious life, or to the generous single life, we’re all headed for the cross, folks. There’s no getting out of it.

Nevertheless, I’ve come to see how easily I’m tempted into forgetting that. For all of you out there who have doubts about the feasibility of actually living a celibate life, I’ll admit that there are nights when it weighs upon my heart that I will never know what it is to fall asleep and wake up next to the same person day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. But lest I get caught up in dreaming about just how green the grass on the other side of the fence could be, I think about the married couples I know. As in love with one another as they may be, their lives are not cakewalks by any stretch of the imagination. The young couples I know struggle to avoid bankruptcy while starting their families. Each pregnancy brings with it a whole host of questions about the future. How will we afford (insert your favorite absolutely necessary thing here) and our heat for the next ten years? What if the baby isn’t healthy and we’re faced with raising a special-needs child? How will we handle it? Older couples aren’t out of the woods either, they still deal with keeping their marriages alive and vibrant while living out all the decisions they made (for better or for worse) in their youth. Sure, Husband A hates his job, but it’s the only thing right now that’s putting food on the table and keeping the kids in a decent school. Wife B put her career on hold to raise the kids and now that they’re off to college she doesn’t know what to do with herself. Go back to school? Start a new job? Compete in the work-force with a host of cutting-edge-twenty-somethings? We won’t even go near the fact that the divorce rate among American Catholics is now the same as for the rest of the population at 50%. No… no, marriage is not an easier life than mine, especially not if one really wants to do it the Christian way.

What about the generous single life? There is a part of me, small but very vocal, that would like to be rich… no, not just rich… fabulously wealthy. Even as a seminarian, people open up to me about their various needs. They ask me to pray for them, and I do because I know it’s important and that it helps. Yet, I can’t seem to shake the suspicion that $5,000 would do a lot more to help the single mother with two children who needs a new furnace in the dead of winter than… say… a rosary. Along the same lines, I can’t get rid of the crazy, half-baked idea that $1,000,000 would help the Blessed Sarnelli Community in Philadelphia accomplish its building goals and get its residential volunteer component up and running a whole lot faster than my intercessions at Morning Prayer. On the other hand, though, I have yet to meet a single person who can say that their lifestyle embodies their “Plan A.” The younger single people I know just haven’t yet met the right person, or they are discerning a call to priesthood or religious life. They certainly aren’t planning on being perpetual bachelors or bachelorettes. The older single people I know are most commonly widowed or divorced; either way, they are single as a result of some very painful event. There are, of course, exceptions to this. I do know a small handful of older single people who have devoted themselves to careers, have achieved great financial success, and now are free to give the support to charitable causes that they (the causes) truly need. Yet, they do seem to be removed from the work itself at least one step. They are free to support the work but not really free to do it themselves. Surprise, surprise… it’s a trade-off. Nonetheless, it is a removal that I think I would find exceedingly frustrated. As comfortable with working behind the scenes as I am, I still want to be hands-on.

So, the process of elimination that is my discernment continues. I have so far to go, so much growth must happen before I truly have a single-hearted and single-minded love for my vocation to the ordained priesthood. At times, I do wonder whether it will ever come. I stumbled across something in the scriptures a few weeks ago, though, that is giving me a great deal of solace.

Near the end of Lent this year, we heard St. John’s account of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. It had never struck me before that there is a waiting period between the time of death and resurrection. For Lazarus, it is four days, and for our Lord, three days. Why? Within the context of the Gospel storyline, Lazarus’ downtime seems to have a very practical reason for being: Jesus wants to make sure that it’s clear Lazarus is really dead so that God’s glory can be more clearly revealed when he is raised. Jesus’ resurrection on the third day, of course, has significant mystical significance, jiving with Old Testament prophecies and so forth. But certainly, it is within God’s power to prevent death and to restore life at any time. Presumably, if God had desired it, he could have raised Jesus after three hours or three minutes post mortem. Yet, even Jesus lay in the tomb for three days, and depending on how one renders the Greek into English, one can even understand that Lazarus began rotting in his tomb before Jesus’ arrival.

It’s clear that before new life can come, old life must pass away. We are used to seeing this around us every day. Spiritually, it is apparent that before we can lead grace-filled lives, we have to die to sin. What has only become clear to me now is death, in a very sterile, clinical sense, is not all that it takes for new life to blossom. No, death followed by decay, that is, decomposition, must precede resurrection, a recomposition. In very tangible ways, we can see that death, in all its forms, does not immediately destroy all semblances of the life that was present. A corpse remains warm and soft for quite some time before rigor mortis sets in. The body itself, which has been composed throughout a lifetime of growth, persists for years, decades, even centuries. The spirit is no different. Talk to a “former” smoker. Most will tell you that even after some ten or fifteen years since having a cigarette, they will still get cravings. Talk to an AA group. Getting the alcohol out of one’s system is relatively easy compared to relearning how to face the everyday situations of life sober. As the saying goes, ‘Old habits die hard.’

As frustrating as it can be waiting to see the progress in my life, I can see now that it is reasonable to expect to need a great deal of patience waiting for new life. This will come, as will all God's graces, when God is good and ready to give it to me. But in the meantime, I will come to know death, in many ways, from the inside out while waiting for it.

The Seminarian's Life of Integration

2008-01-20T12:32:00.000-05:00

With no doubt or hesitation in my mind, I can say that I am an Upstate New Yorker to the core! My values, my worldview, and many of my tastes have all been formed by growing up in little Northville, NY on the Sacandaga Lake. That being said... I'll be the first to admit that I'm a bit of an oddball as far as my roots are concerned. I've never fired a real gun. I've never even been with someone who's gone hunting. I've never been camping (beyond someone's backyard). I've never jumped off either the Northville bridge or the Batchelorville bridge. And lastly, it was only at age 25, on January 4th, in the Year of Our Lord 2008 that I took my first (yes, that's right, first) ride on a snowmobile.

Thanks to the generosity of David Hammond and his family, Matt, Dan, he, and I (pictured above from left to right) were able to enjoy what was a perfect day for snowmobiling when Matt and Dan dropped me off in West Winfield. Riding through the woods, corn and alfalfa fields, and over the surrounding hills we got to see some beautiful scenery. We'd stop at the top of these hills every so often just to enjoy the views. It was a clear, sunny day, and we all had a wonderful time. I was happy to get my first snowmobile ride (I even got to drive a little--and I'm here to write about it), and David was happy to have people to ride with. It was a lot of fun to share the experience with my brother seminarians.

The next day, David and I returned to Mundelein for the remainder of the Winter Quarter. We had a good trip back, and I think all of us out here picked right up where we left off in December. Not that we really have a choice to do otherwise on the quarter system; it pretty much boils down to 'hit the ground running, or fall flat on your face.' But we truly are into the full swing of things, progressing each day in our formation for the priesthood. In fact, this past Wednesday, Michael and I were instituted as acolytes. Here's our picture with Bishop Sartain of Joliet who instituted us.

(That's Michael on the left and me on the right, in case you don't know who we are.)

As instituted acolytes, it is now our "official" responsibility to "Assist the deacon and to minister to the priest" in the liturgy. Also, in cases where there are not enough priests or deacons to distribute Holy Communion, instituted acolytes are the next in the pecking order, so to speak, to help as extraordinary ministers of Holy Communion. While the role of acolyte is no longer viewed merely as a 'stepping stone' on the way to priesthood, it is only common to find men being instituted as acolytes in seminaries. Practically speaking, as someone who is on the road to ordained priesthood, it is a way of deepening one's service to the People of God through new liturgical responsibilities. That's the best way I can describe it.

To be honest, I wish I could say more than that about being an acolyte and more about the experience of the Institution Mass. However, at the time, I was struck by my feelings of uncertainty over what this would mean for my life, over what would be different afterwards. It was a very different experience from when I received candidacy; that was a much more emotionally powerful experience. As I continued to reflect on these feelings though, I kept coming back to the fact that our "yes" to Jesus Christ often leads us into jobs and roles that we don't completely understand at the time. Think of Mary... at the moment she replied to Gabriel, "Let it be done unto me according to your word," did she truly understand then and there the joy she would feel at Jesus' birth, the wonder at his presentation in the temple, the anguish she would endure as she watched him walk the path to Golgotha? Of course not! But once God had received her initial "yes," her initial consent to let the Son come into the world through her, all he needed after that was for her to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

So, while I can't really point to any practical difference in my life from being an instituted acolyte, at least nothing all that significant, I don't think this is unlike the general form of the spiritual life. Perhaps I will understand it more deeply with time and more reflection, or perhaps only God will know why it was important. Only time will tell, and that's why I've titled this post as "The Seminarian's Life of Integration."

One week, you're skimming through cornfields on a snowmobile and next week you're kneeling before a bishop. Yet, the two are not in any way opposed to one another. Being a seminarian is truly leading an integrated life. You give your "yes" to God, you tell him that will go where he leads you. He then leads you to deeper fraternity with your brother seminarians, to increasing appreciation for his creation, and ever deepening service to his people. All these things flow from that single "yes." Furthermore, even this "yes" at candidacy is only itself one more step after the "yes" of baptism. It's all a part of the spiritual mystery--in asking for our entire lives, God really isn't asking for much at all....

That's all I can write today, it's time to write my paper on Eucharistic Prayer IV for Worship II. Fr. LeFort, our Director of Seminarians, is visiting us this week so I need to get the paper work done ahead of time! I'm looking forward to his visit.

Know that I keep you all in prayer.

Chicago's Holiday Cheer

2008-01-09T15:42:00.000-05:00

OK, it's a small picture because my camera doesn't take that great of photos in low light... but there should be enough here for you to get the idea. You're looking at the Christmas tree in Daley Plaza in the heart of downtown Chicago. This was one display which was not afraid to say, "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" They even had a manger scene right in the heart of it. (No picture of that... not enough light.) As a New Yorker, I feel it my duty to point out that Daley Plaza's display has nothing on the display in Rockefeller Center in NYC. Nevertheless, Chicago's tree, which I can only guess is an attempt to be quasi-environmentally friendly by not using a real tree, was pretty... enough. However, Chicago has got a one-up on the Big Apple with what surrounds the Christmas tree: the annual Christkindlmarket.

At this time, I wish that technology had evolved enough to give us the long-promised smell-o-vision so that I could give you at least some small sense of the magical aroma that is German Christmas food wafting through a winter night. Alas, I can only tell you how good the gingerbread was; it was reeeaaaly good. The marzipan was phenomenal too... as was the chocolate... and the bratwurst... mmm... and when all washed down with a little bit of Glüwein... it warms me from the inside out just to think about it. I think I'm going to have to make an appearance at the Christkindlmarket an annual tradition while I'm here. How long is it to next Christmas?

In all seriousness, though, the Christkindlmarket was without a doubt the least intrusive commercial Christmas enterprise I have seen yet. Vendors from all over the United States and the world (but mainly Germany) come each year to Chicago and set up their booths for a few weeks of December. Actually, you would probably find it interesting to check out the market's website http://www.christkindlmarket.com/. The quality of the wares that each vendor brought impressed me. I found three beautiful pewter ornaments for each of my godchildren the likes of which one doesn't find just anywhere. The Christkindlmarket has just about anything in the way of Christmas ornaments or food you could want. The only thing missing was the Glüwein. They are allowed to sell it for you to drink at the market, it even comes in a commemorative little cup, but they don't have a license to sell it by the bottle. So, my hopes for taking a bottle or two back home to Northville for a New Year's Eve party were thwarted. I still had a wonderful time though, as did David Hammond...

(That, my friends, is a smile that can only be induced by Christmas spirit, gingerbread, and a dash of well-spiced Glüwein... with a tinch of marzipan thrown in for good measure.)

The only bittersweet point was that the atmosphere made me miss my German friends a little bit. I cannot wait until 2011 when I get to visit you all! I was even reminded of many of our times together at Sarnelli House. As David and I finished eating, these guys came over trying to sell us newspapers and DVDs to raise money for their homeless shelter. (The approach bordered on pah-handling, and in fact there were some guys trying to collect a couple bucks throughout the market.) Not really having any need for the paper or the DVD, we refused. One of the guys pushed a little more and mentioned that he was just trying to get enough money to buy himself some supper. Then, just as if he'd spent years doing street outreach, David offered to buy him something. So, the two of them waited in the Bratwurst line together and had a little conversation.

To some of you, this scenario might not seem all that remarkable, but I want to point out a few things. First of all, never, ever, just give money to people begging on the streets. Giving them cash is most likely going to do them more harm than good. Either they will use it for less-than-healthy purposes, or, you will end up causing some serious tensions with other people around. What you do for one person you have to do for all. However, this does not mean that we can turn a blind eye toward someone who comes to us asking for help. In this situation, David handled things exactly right. The guy said he was hungry, and so he gave him food not money. Furthermore, this was done in a very public place with lots of people around, but yet he managed to be discreet about it. Lastly, David engaged the guy in conversation. More than all the money in the world, people who are on the streets need to know that others care about them. Without that knowledge, if they just feel that they're in some system that throws money at them when they make a big enough stink, they have very little encouragement to jump through the hoops necessary to improve their situation.

To top it all off, David and I had only had one conversation about this the last time we went into the city (back in October). A guy had come up to us asking for money, I refused, but bought him some food from the CVS on the corner. I told David then that it took me a solid year-and-a-half of my work in Philadelphia to get to the point where that was how I handled these situations comfortably, to get where I wouldn't either just palm a guy a $5 bill or try to ignore him and walk away. I know I'm a slow learner, but David is one-quick study!

The next day, David and I headed back home to New York. It was a good trip, despite some heavy traffic and a couple wrong turns. I enjoyed traveling with him, and he let me in the car to drive back to the seminary so I guess the feeling was mutual.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and are off to a good start in 2008!

God Bless!

A Seminarians' Oktoberfest

2007-10-25T17:47:00.000-04:00

"Ties, be our light...!" "Boooooooo!!!" [Sound of a necktie being tossed into a fire] And so progressed one of the more interesting evenings I've ever had in my whole life, with each each Deacon, or soon-to-be-Deacon, making his own little speech before tossing a necktie into the Oktoberfest flames.

The Oktoberfest is an annual tradition here at Mundelein Seminary. It's a great fall celebration complete with Bratwurst, Sauerkraut, Beer (yes, my German friends, we even had Späten), and the quintessential element of any truly masculine right of passage: open flames. The excitement and the angst were palpable. In each man, one could see plainly the happiness of achievement and arrival while at the same time the normal concern for just how everything was going to work out in the end.

As I watched this ritual going on, I was struck most by the men who had already been ordained right after the end of the previous spring quarter or at some point during the summer. They burned their ties too, but the difference between them and the others was noticeable. For them, it was clear that this even was more about sharing in the tradition with the classmates than anything else. I felt myself becoming somewhat disappointed that I to will experience the tie-burning Oktoberfest rituals only after I will have been ordained. Yet at the same time, I felt a little relieved. It funny how these emotions, seemingly contrary, exist side by side--not only in the participants, but also in an onlooker. I suppose that's how life is, though.

Obviously, this post is more than 'late.' So, unfortunately, that's all I'm going to be able to write on this topic for now. However, I'm home for a little while on Christmas break, and I promise I'll get at least two or three new posts up. New Year's resolution: blog bi-weekly!

A Visit to the East

2007-10-08T16:11:00.000-04:00

After mid-term week, it was time to decompress. So, with fellow seminarians Robert, Guthrie, and Mark, I went on a little off-campus excursion to Annunciation of the Mother of God Byzantine Catholic Parish in Homer Glen, Illinois. (I highly suggest checking out their website which has some pictures of the church, albeit a bit dated--they have since added some icons-- http://www.byzantinecatholic.com/index.htm).

Now, those of you who have known me for a while are quite familiar with my love of Byzantine Christian spirituality, theology, and liturgy. I must say that in the five years or so that I've been studying the East and frequenting their parishes, this parish had--by far--the most beautiful liturgy I've seen yet. First of all, their choir is phenomenal. (You can listen to extensive recordings of their choir on the parish website.) Second, they're not afraid to by Byzantine; that means the church is packed full of icons and their liturgy definitely runs on Cheiros time, not Kronos time. To be honest, I'm not really sure when it started or when it ended... I left praying for the rest of the day.

The homily focused on Respect Life Sunday. The priest identified abortion and euthanasia, especially abortion, as the "sacraments of the Culture of Death," without which this culture would unravel, just as the sacraments of the Church are the sacraments of the Culture of Life without which our culture would collapse. I find it to be a very poignant analogy.

We in the Latin traditions of Christianity have so much of our heritage to rediscover in the Christian East. I value the philosophical precisions of our theology, I think that they satisfy very natural human desires which are only thwarted at great peril. However, the poetic expression of truth more common to the East does a better job at preserving the sense of mystery that one must have when beholding all things divine. Also, the East has preserved, I think, a clearer presentation of the Eucharistic liturgy as a foretaste of the divine liturgy in which we all hope to partake in the Kingdom. And while I think Latin church organization and administration tends to be far more organized and efficient, these are not the primary aims of orthodox ecclesiology which has as its focus the preservation of the Apostolic Tradition and the unity of the Mystical Body of Christ. That being said...

As beautiful as this particular liturgy was, as much as I love the eastern churches... I belong right where I am. There really is no doubt about that. Why does God call whom he calls and why does he call them to where he calls them when he calls them??? The answers to to these questions are not for us to know in this life. All we can do is hear the voice of our Good Shepherd and follow where he will lead knowing that he himself is the path to salvation. On that note, I leave you with this image of the one who knows what fruits trust in God has to bear.

Settling In

2007-09-10T16:19:00.000-04:00

Well, here I am at the head of my second week of classes. The first week was intense, but, none the worse for wear, I'm here to hit things hard again this week. I'm already behind in the reading, but "behind" here at Mundelein is a very relative term. It is generally understood, and accepted I might add, that it is impossible to keep up with all of the reading assignments. So long as you can keep up with a general understanding of what's going on, are able to give the central themes and arguments an author makes... you're meeting the expectations. Repeatedly, our professors have been telling us, "Don't panic, there's never a reason to panic." Of course, hearing that too often does tend to make me wonder, "Hmm... is there something I could be panicking about?" Oh well. Suffice it to say, I am enjoying my classes, I'm enjoying the reading, and I'm disappointed, not anxious, that I can't engage it more deeply because I do find it so interesting.

As for the rest of life here, the past weekend we had the Cam retreat for 3-Boulevard. Here at Mundelein, the wings of the residences hall are named based on their orientation to the layout of the larger campus. My building faces East, and is shaped like the letter "E." I live on what would be the 'back' of the "E," this is called the "Boulevard" wing. The top 'rung' of the "E" is the "North" wing, the middle the "Center" wing, and the bottom the "South" wing. Then, there are three floors to the building, and each group of guys who live on the same floor of a wing make up a "Cam." So, since I live on the third floor of the Boulevard wing, my Cam is 3-Blvd. I know, I know, exceptionally creative and inventive in their naming here at Mundelein.... Basically, the Cam serves as the basic unit of community life here at the seminary. On Mondays, we pray Evening Prayer together and sit together in the refectory (cafeteria). On Wednesdays, we get together for prayer, someone takes the responsibility for giving a reflection on the coming Sunday's gospel reading, and then we take about an hour or so for some social activity. So now that I've told you everything you ever wanted to know about Cam life but were afraid to ask--well, not really, but saying that makes me laugh--we kicked off the year with an overnight retreat at the Cenacle Retreat House in Warrenville, IL.

I did take a picture of the place the day we left. I did transfer the photo from my camera to my computer. I cannot, however, for the life of me, figure out where the folder went that I saved it to. Alas, if you want to see some pictures, you'll have to go to their website, http://www.cenacle.org/homenew.aspx.

It was a very nice facility, much larger on the inside than what meets the eye. The food was quite good, and the meeting spaces pretty comfortable. We had a nice time there and, I think, we new seminarians began bonding a little with our 'senior' confreres.

When I can, I'll post some pictures of the guys on my Cam and, cross your fingers that I can figure out how to do it, some videos of our activities. For now, since I feel bad that otherwise you wouldn't have anything pretty to look at, check out this video of the Main Chapel here at Mundelein. (There's no sound to it, so, no, there is no problem with your speakers or media player.)

Until next time, God Bless!
~J

Hello, Goodbye, Good Luck, God Bless!

2007-08-29T12:10:00.000-04:00

It seems that my time at St. John the Baptist Parish in Valatie, NY was just a blink of an eye! Now, I know that it has been a while since my last post... OK, more than a while... but, seriously, it feels as if only last week I was being introduced to the parish staff, and already I'm here at my desk in my room at Mundelein writing this post. I just can't believe how quickly the time passed. I suppose that says a lot about the people of St. John's parish; after all, time does fly when you're having fun, and I did enjoy my time there immensely. But alas, as with all good things, they must come to an end. August 15th was my last day at St. John's. Then, it was time to say, "Goodbye, Good Luck, and God Bless!" to all my new friends there. After that, it was a frantic dash to get all of my stuff packed and moved out of the Isaac Jogues House, get it home, and get it re-packed for the trek out here to Mundelein. Oh, and by the way, during that last week of my summer assignment, on August 12th to be exact, Michael Taylor and I received candidacy.

I am well aware of the fact, even as I write it, that my first paragraph exemplifies lousy style, poor logical flow, and it would probably make it up on any elementary teacher's board of 'Ways not to write a paragraph.' However, as such, it does give an accurate sense of what the last month of my life has been like. I'll try to unpack it all as I go on, but it was quite a blur to be perfectly honest.

I guess it will make the most sense to start with the most important event first: the Rite of Candidacy. In the Albany Diocese, seminarians receive candidacy before going off to major seminary to study their theology. Some dioceses also have it this way, others wait as late as the second year of major seminary before conferring candidacy on a seminarian. Essentially, the reception of candidacy is to preparation for the priesthood what engagement is to the preparation for marriage. In the Rite of Candidacy, a seminarian promises to enter fully into his formation in pursuit of ordination to the diaconate and presbyterate; in return, his bishop promises to support him fully in this endeavor.

In my diocese though, there really is no practical difference between seminarians who have received candidacy and those who have not. In some dioceses, there are financial differences, for example, perhaps a seminarian would not receive diocesan health insurance or a stipend until after receiving candidacy. In other places, seminarians who have received candidacy are expected to dress in clerics at all times, so there is a very deep sense of a transformation of identity that goes along with it. In Albany, though, seminarians really do get the full support of our bishop and the diocese from day one of our acceptance, and while there is a certain sense of a change in identity with the rite, seminarians, as a general rule, do not wear clerics until after their ordination to the deaconate. So for us, I would say that the Rite of Candidacy comes right down to a promise to take a certain direction in life. I have promised to pursue the ordained priesthood with all that I have--I have said my 'yes' to the Church. The next four years of seminary formation are about the Church's taking time to accept that 'yes.' To extend the earlier analogy to engagement, it is understood that during this time, I might discern that my call is not in fact to the priesthood, or the Church could discern that, in which case my time as a seminarian would come to an end. However, should this happen (and I hope that it doesn't and don't foresee any reason why it would) it would be comparable in severity to the breaking of an engagement. That is, it can be done... and it's not the end of the world if it happens (far better than following through on a bad decision)... but it's really something you would much, much rather avoid.

Alright, enough about candidacy. I wish I had pictures of the event, but alas. However, the Evangelist, our diocesan newspaper, had some really nice photos. You might be able to find some from them.

Now, on to the the trip out here! It was quite the trip: a solid 16 hours in the back seat of David Hammond's Blazer, securely packed in with all of the "essentials" that he, Michael, and I would need for this coming year at Mundelein. Yep, that's right, all three of us along with all of our stuff for the rest of the year made the trip from New York to Mundelein in one car. Gotta love the Gospel simplicity! Actually, it really wasn't all that bad. We packed our music for the trip, snuggled in like sardines with all of our stuff and hit the road bright and early (6:30 AM) on Sunday Aug. 19th. We drove from David's house in Central New York to Columbus, OH where both Michael and I have family.

It's worth making a little aside here: when you're a seminarian, you might not have very much money, but the Lord makes up for it by blessing you with the generosity of his people. We stayed overnight with my great aunt and uncle in Columbus, and as I expected, we got more food than we could shake a stick at. (Incidentally, this was not unlike our experience at David Hammond's house the night before we left where the Hammonds showered us with hospitality and really did a lot to make sure we got off to a good start.) I have to say that if you're not a person who likes food, if eating is a chore for you, then the life of a diocesan seminarian is not for you! If, however, you've ever considered some kind of job, I don't know, maybe like a restaurant critic, where you would get to eat and eat and eat... contact Fr. Jim Walsh, Diocese of Albany: Vocations Director. Like I said, we're not swimming in money as seminarians, but if you're OK with having your work compensated through the culinary artistry of just about every ethnic group out there, you just might have a vocation to the priesthood! Of course, I say this all tongue in cheek, yet with a tinge of seriousness.

On Monday morning, it was time to get back on the road to finish our trip up to Mundelein. With David, our Energizer-bunny driver, behind the wheel once more, we were here by suppertime. Deacon Dan from the Diocese of Covington, KY helped us haul our stuff into our rooms. We had about a day to breathe, then it was time to dive head-first into the most intense orientation experience I have ever experienced...

St. Benedict

2007-07-11T22:52:00.000-04:00

Well, things got a bit busy, and I never did get around to posting the reflection I did at Mass last week on St. Thomas the Apostle. Basically, I talked about how St. Thomas is such a good role model for us because his example of struggle and then perseverance is so appropriate for our own struggles in following Jesus today. It went over well... still working on making my style more 'conversational.'

Trying to stay more on the ball with things, I've got my reflection for this week ready to post. Lucky you! Today, we celebrated the memorial of St. Benedict. (Who just so happens to be my patron saint.) What follows is the reflection I prepared ahead of time... not so much what I actually said. When we walked into the church this morning, there was a crowd of about thirty people (there is usually about seven), and most of them were young! One of the families in the parish was having a reunion and they all have a Mass said for the mom who passed away some time ago and they all go to the Mass as part of the family reunion. So... needless to say that faced with a totally different crowd, I had to "adapt" things a bit. Anyhow, this will give you a rough idea. The readings for today were Genesis 41:55-57, 42:5-7a, 17-24a; Psalm 33:2-3, 10-11, 18-19; and Matthew 10:1-7.

I think an underlying theme we can take from today's readings is that we have a responsibility to look after others, no matter how they have treated us; we are always obliged to care.

I think that the life of St. Benedict speaks powerfully as an example of how this can actually be done. As I was thinking about his life and today's readings, I remembered two bits of wisdom that different priest have passed along to me. The first was about getting to heaven. Speaking of what our goal ought to be in our journey to heaven, a priest once said to me, “Getting to Heaven is not about saying, ‘Look, Lord, here I am!’ but being able to say, ‘Look, Lord, here I am, and see who else I’ve brought with me!’”

On various other occasions, my spiritual director has stressed to me that it is not very often in life that we are faced with choices between good and bad. Rather, nearly every day, we are forced to choose between what is good, what's better, and what's best.

I see these two truths as something that St. Benedict lived excellently. From what we know about him, St. Benedict was a man who always strove to do what was best for others; he sought to put his life at their service, not only in good ways, but in the best ways. There’s a story about St. Benedict that shortly after he had decided to live as a hermit, he kept thinking about this girl he had known while he was a student in Rome. Thoughts of going back to marry her became so torturous that he threw himself into a thorn-bush and rolled around until any thought of doing anything other than staying put and following what he knew God’s will for his life to be was dispelled from his mind. Was this a choice between good and bad? No. Rather, it was a choice to live the life that would allow him to serve God, and others, best.
St. Benedict maintained this focus throughout his life, even when he was betrayed, almost murdered, by the people he sought to serve, his own fellow monks. Yet, even after that, when he writes his rule, he emphasizes that monks must be tolerant of one another’s shortcomings, respect one another, and love one another.

So today, let’s ask for St. Benedict’s intercession that we, too, will be given the grace and strength to always desire what is best for others and to put ourselves at their service, regardless of how they treat us, so that when we stand before God we will be able to say, “Look, here I am, and see who I’ve brought with me!”

I have a lot of pictures to post from "various and sundry activities," as Fr. Jack would say, I just got around to touching them up today. Hopefully I'll get them posted some time this weekend. Until then, be well.

Love & Blessings,
~J

My 'Preaching Debut'

2007-06-27T19:04:00.000-04:00

One of the purposes of the various parish assignments we're given as seminarians is to expose us to the needs, tastes, and different styles of several parish communities. I very important element of that exposure includes getting feedback on our preaching. Yesterday, I preached my first reflection here at St. John's at the daily Mass.

All in all, it went smoothly and was well received. Most people told me that they liked what I had to say, that I said it clearly, and that the reflection was easy to understand and my point came across. The consensus was that I need to work a bit on my style; they said I talked a bit too slow and needed to be more 'conversational' in my delivery. Also, the length of my reflection was more appropriate for a Sunday Mass than a weekday Mass (close to five minutes). Fr. Jack suggested that I shoot for a two-and-a-half minute, tops, "pious puff." I can't wait to try again next week! It really means a lot to me to be able to get that kind of feedback because I know that the people here are honest.

I thought that some of you might be interested in what I said, so I'm posting that as well. I decided to focus on the Gospel reading for the day which was Matt. 7:6, 12-14. (The other readings for the day were from Genesis 13:2, 5-18 and Ps. 15:2-3a, 3bc-4ab, 5 in case you're curious.) Here's what I said:

I think it is particularly important to make sure we consider what the first line of today’s gospel might mean. “Do not give what is holy to dogs, or throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them underfoot, and turn and tear you to pieces” (Matt. 7:6). Just what does this mean on a practical level? Who are we supposed to understand by ‘dogs’ and ‘swine,’ and just what is it that we’re being told to do or not to do? I think what we see here is some of the wisest advice on spreading the good news of Jesus Christ that we get in all of the New Testament.

I’m sure all of us here today, when we get right down to it, are here because we have seen first-hand the value and necessity of our Christian faith in dealing with all of the struggles life brings our way. I highly doubt that any of us here is a stranger to tragedy or hardship in some way, but one other thing we have in common is an ability to look back and say, “God has done some wonderful things for me.” Maybe it is on account of great blessings we have received undeservedly, or perhaps it is because of the strength that God’s grace has imparted to us during a particularly rough time that we can say this. Either way, I think it is impossible to come away from these experiences of God’s love and care for us without thinking, “Everyone needs to know this in their lives; everyone needs to hear just how reliable and wonderful a relationship with God is, how comforting a relationship with his church is.”

Unfortunately, I’m sure we all have also had the experience of having our faith and feelings dismissed, sometimes even by someone we are close to and care about deeply. This can feel like an absolute slap in the face; one of my closest friends is an atheist who thinks of religion as little more than something ‘nice’ that basically amounts to some kind of security blanket for adults, and I often wonder, then, what he must think about what I’m doing with my life.

The advice we get in this first line of today’s gospel is telling us, very frankly, how to handle such people in our lives. We must recognize who is ready to hear what we have to say, who isn’t ready, and we must accept the fact that it will cause us nothing but needless pain and anxiety if we try to share the message of God’s love with someone who is not ready to listen. However, this does not mean that we sit back and do nothing. Rather, we must heed the words we hear in the rest of this gospel reading along with the words of today’s psalm: we must act with justice, be faithful to the truth, avoid harming anybody, make our living by honest means, treat others the way we wish to be treated, and live this way daily, even when no one else is and we feel alone and are without any support and it is just so hard to keep going on like this… Because, throughout it all, we are being watched, and it is
by watching us persevere in our faith in Jesus Christ that hearts will be softened and made open to the peace and comfort we have to bring, and ears be made ready to listen to the words of salvation we have to speak.

Feel free to comment too, if you'd like! Until next time...

Love & Blessings,

~J

St. John the Baptist Parish Picnic

2007-06-27T12:47:00.000-04:00

This past Sunday afternoon, I experienced the first major social event at my summer assignment: the first (in a long time and now possibly annual) St. John's Parish Picnic. It was a fun afternoon with burgers, dogs, and quite the spread of all the necessary picnic accessories. We had chips, dips, salads, sides, and more! All of them delicious! Though I must say that Dirt Pudding was conspicuously absent from the dessert spread... hmm... perhaps I will have to introduce the people of St. John's to this delicacy....

Even without the Dirt Pudding, we still had a very good turn out. About seventy people signed up to bring food, and I would say we had just about one hundred people drop by over the course of three hours. I got to meet many of the families in the parish, and I hope that I will get to meet all the people I never had a chance to chat with at the picnic very soon. There was just such a nice atmosphere at the picnic, the kind of atmosphere that only arises when you bring good people together; I want to get to know them all, even if only a little bit.

That's really all I have to say about the picnic, except that I'm hoping to post at least a few more pictures soon. I want to ask for people's permission though, first, especially before I put any kids' pictures up. There were a lot of kids at the picnic, getting their faces painted and chowing down on snow cones and cotton candy. That was a big part of what made the atmosphere so pleasant, I think. The happiness of children is contagious.

Love and Blessings,
~J

Seminarians' Summer Gathering

2007-06-24T23:12:00.000-04:00

This past week, we (all of the seminarians in my diocese not on C.P.E., plus one guy doing his chaplaincy training for the Navy) had a wonderful experience of at Christ the King Spirituality Center in Greenwich, NY. It was a great opportunity to step back from the academic work of the year and really shift gears for the work of our summer assignments. One part retreat (preached by Fr. Eric from the diocese of Little Rock) and one part social gathering, the Seminarians' Summer Gathering is an annual event last about four days and three nights. Its purpose is to give all of us seminarians a chance to pray together and form some stronger social bonds that will translate into a priestly base of friendship and support after ordination and to provide a forum in which to address some important spiritual and human formation issues.

The theme of this year's gathering focused on the priest as the one who 'stands in the gap' between the mundane and the sacred. Fr. Eric's talks were centered around the necessity of the priest being able to point the way to heaven for his people and the various practical ways in which the priest must structure his life in order to be able to do this effectively. The specific topics of the conferences ranged from appropriate boundaries between pastor and parishioner to the prayer life of the priest, but all looked to emphasizing the necessity of not getting bogged down in the administrative drudgery that can sometimes clog the daily schedule of a parish priest. All in all, Fr. Eric was a good presenter and he touched on some very practical topics that I'm sure we will all find valuable throughout the rest of our formation and after ordination. Thanks, Fr. Eric!

Now, I want to say a few words the Christ the King Spirituality Center. First of all, THIS PLACE IS ENORMOUS!!! Below is a shot from one of the high points on the property with the Great Hall and Welcome Center in the background, just before the last row of trees. I would estimate that this shot only takes in about 7% of the property associated with CTK.

There is a lot I wish I could have captured with my camera, but unfortunately, I forgot that I had even brought it with me until the last two days of the gathering! Oops! Oh well, what I'm including here are some shots mostly from a walk up to a gazebo above St. Mary's Convent some of us took at dusk on our last night at CTK Spirituality Center. The vistas are absolutely gorgeous from up there, well worth the little hike up the hill from the convent. In the picture below, you can see that I'm looking just a bit to the left of the above shot so you can still see the Great Hall in the background and now also St. Mary's convent in the foreground.

The views to the East were the prettiest; one can see miles of farmland interspersed between the rows of hills.

All of our meetings took place in the library... there was a piano... Matt found it... 'nuff said.

I'll leave you with this parting shot... a group of well-rested and rejuvenated seminarians (who had all slept on some of the best beds ever to be found in a retreat center).

The Wonders of Medical Science

2007-06-04T01:19:00.000-04:00

So, my friend Jessica is really smart. A biochemistry major at Le Moyne, she now does cancer research in Chicago. One of my experiences during this trip was to visit Jess's lab. While I had seen part of her lab during my visit last year, I hadn't gotten to see the most important area for her work: the mouse room. The most important part of Jess's job is to keep track of which mice families carry the genes crucial to her lab's research. She must take DNA samples from every mouse, test it, and if it shows the necessary genes, she must then breed it, if not... well... that's the nasty part of her job. Mice not having the right genes must not be allowed to breed and therefore have to be euthanized.

The room where the mice are kept is quite secure for many good reasons. The pictures to the left show Jess, Kavita, Chris, Jess's family, and me doning sterile gowns, hair nets, booties, the whole nine yards, well outside the mouse room just so that we can't infect the mice with any microbes. (The building itself has many card-swipe-access-only areas so that only employees of the lab may enter. This is to prevent, I'm quite sure, animal rights groups from coming in and trashing the labs or releasing the animals, and probably to keep out anyone who might try to pirate the research data as well.) It was in interesting experience having to put on all of that gear. I've never had to look at myself as a health-threat before. I mean, I can remember when my cousins were babies and I was a little kid that there were concerns over how close I might get to them, whether or not it would be safe for me to hold them, did I wash my hands and so on, but this was a whole different ball game.

Because of the security, I was unable to take any pictures of the mice themselves, or of any of the other equipment around, though I must tell you that I was impressed with the sheer complexity of the equipment required to sustain this ongoing experiment. The mouse room holds a veritable maze of air filtration systems, water treatment systems, and waste disposal lines; the level of engineering sophistication required to do the biological research accurately, safely, and as humanely as possible is truly amazing.

The room itself did smell like an understaffed pet-shop... you can use your imagination on that one... and the lighting was strange. (During the time we visited, the light settings were mimicking night-time.) But beyond that, or perhaps because of this strangeness, I began to think about how much of our modern lives depend upon this very kind of environment. I don't want to launch into a diatribe about the ethics of animal testing or in any way, shape, form or manner, to lend credibility to the practices of organizations like PETA, but nearly every pill we take and every cosmetic product we use has come out of animal testing. In Jess's lab, the mice are deliberately given various kinds of tumors so that new drugs can be tested on them. It was sad to see some of these mice suffering through that kind of ordeal. To those who will read this and say, "Who gives a ****, it's only a mouse?!" I reply, "That mouse might very well loose its life so that your loved one can reap the benefit of some new miracle drug ten years from now; that point ought to give you some pause. The role that seemingly insignificant mouse plays in this world might very well save your life too." The late philosopher Emmanuel Levinas made the point that everyone's existence is contingent upon the death of the Other; our very lives are lethal. I couldn't help but think just how far down the line that metaphysical/ethical point bears truth as I stood there inhaling that nasty smell of mouse droppings, wood chips, and sanitizer watching hundreds of catalogued mice scurry around their cages, trying to go about their natural mousy business.

All in all, I must say that the visit to the lab was a positive experience. Tthought-provoking to be sure, but also on the personal level I consider it to be of great value to have a deeper understanding of what it is that my friend Jess faces on an average work-day. The work I do now as a seminarian, in most respects, is far easier than what she must deal with. I, as a general rule, don't have to be concerned that those to whom I minister will ever bite me unless I grab them firmly by the tail and lift them off the ground! (Thank God!) My work is also far less heady, and I'm not excluding the ad nauseam attendance of philosophy classes when I say that! Her work is certain to have far reaching and long-term positive consequences, and so will mine... but only God willing. Perhaps in some ways Jess's work is more exciting than mine, but I wouldn't classify it as being more interesting or more challenging all things considered. I don't think she would either. There is stress in both of our work-lives over what is at stake: she must take great care not to infect her mice with harmful bacteria and viruses thus jeopardizing years of painstaking research; I must take great care not to infect the people I encounter with cinicism, anger, greed, jealousy, or any other spiritual contagions thus endangering their relationship with God. Ultimately, the end goal of the work Jess does is to bring healing into the world. This could be said of what I do as a seminarian, namely, the ways I talk to people in social situations, the talks I give, the work I do in soup kitchens and Sunday School classrooms... though, it is a very different kind of healing I'm hoping to bring... and I wouldn't trade that healing for all the disposable sterile gowns in the world!

God Bless,
~J

Chicago Italian Beef & Hot Dog Experience

2007-05-30T00:42:00.000-04:00

Ok, so when I went to Chicago last year, I made my friends take me to get deep dish pizza. That's all I knew about what was special in Chicago cuisine. How wrong I was! So since he'd had a year to get used to things, my friend Chris treated me to the Chicago Italian Beef & Hot Dog experience... MMM! Picture the beginnings of a Philly cheese steak... the shaved marinated beef on a long roll... except instead of adding the cheese, add 'jardiniere'. Jardiniere is this oh so wonderful tasting vegetable relish made from carrots, celery, and I'm not really sure what else is there, but with the beef it tastes great. Alright, so after you add the jardiniere you take the whole sandwich and dip it in this spicy, greasy, I don't really know how to describe it, "sauce." (Well, the dipping is optional, Chris got mine for me on the side.) Here's a picture:

Ok, I'll come clean, this wasn't actually my sandwich, I was too hungry to remember to take a picture of the darn thing before I dove in. Anyhow, I wasn't really crazy over the dip, but the sandwich in and of itself was really good.

Chris had wanted to take me to Al's, that's the big-name place in Chicago to get the Italian beef. It would have meant kind of a convoluted drive, though, so he took me to Torre's in his neighborhood. It was a neat looking place, sort of old fashioned, but very clean!

Since we were both really hungry, we also got a Chicago dog. I must say it was the best tasting hot dog I've ever had. However, it was a bit overloaded for my tastes. The traditional Chicago dog has mustard, relish, onions, tomatoes, and a dill pickle spear. Frankly, I would have been happy with just the mustard, relish, and onions, and that's how I got the rest of my hot dogs over the next few days. (Like I said, the dog itself just tasted so good, once I had tried one... I had to try more!) Here's a picture... again, not of my own hot dog... I was hungry, what do you want?!

The next few years are going to be interesting... I think I'll have Chris set up a tour of the Vienna Beef factory. Actually, on second thought, I think I'll take Bismark's advice and just go to the factory's lunch counter and forego the "How Hot Dogs Are Made" tour. Yeah...

Until next time!

God Bless,

Mundelein Visit

2007-05-25T13:29:00.000-04:00

Well, for those of you who might not get out to see Mundelein for a while, or maybe even ever... here is a link to a virtual tour of the campus:
http://www.seminary.kjgallery.com/
And to get a sense of just how gigantic the campus is, check out the satellite picture on Google Maps:
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&q=1000+E.+Maple+Ave.,+Mundelein,+IL&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=35.357014,81.738281&amp;ie=UTF8&ll=42.281024,-87.997527&spn=0.008065,0.019956&t=k&amp;z=16&iwloc=addr&om=1
If the link doesn't take you directly to the shot of the campus, try inputting the address into the search window. The address of the seminary is 1000 E. Maple Ave., Mundelein, IL. Scroll the map to the northwest following University Dr. to the heart of the campus.

I had a good visit to Mundelein. My boards went well, at least I think they did; they consisted of three half-hour meetings with Administrators, Formation Faculty, and Academic Faculty. (At Mundelein, they have separated the responsibilities of spiritual direction, planning formation seminars, etc., and teaching unlike most seminaries where there is one faculty that takes on both types of responsibilities.) I will say this about my impressions from the interviews: I think it's going to be a tough four years there... and that gives me a sense of peace. It came across loud and clear that the education and formation offered at Mundelein Seminary will search out all of the areas where I need to grow and will provide me with the tools and support to work on whatever I need to work on. There is no contentment with the status quo. I like that.

Among the more interesting aspects of my visit was the fact that I met and conversed with more Africans in my 24 hours there than I had in my whole life up to that point. I met several Kenyans and Tanzanians; some were students at the seminary, some were visitors who had come to attend the ordination of some of the students from their countries. Very friendly people, all of them, I must say. I look forward to the chance to get to know them all more.

I also took some videos of the campus, and if I can figure out how to post them, I will, but let's just say I still have a lot to learn about that whole process from filming, to editing, to saving in some kind of format that people can actually access! In other words, don't hold your breath on this one!

That's it for now. I'll post some entries on the rest of my trip to the greater Chicago metropolitan area soon.

God Bless,
~J